Strength of Family

My family is an amazing - and amazingly large - one. We are fortunate in that we are all very close. My siblings somehow married exceptionally well (there really is a God!) and this has expanded our network of support and love even further.

I like to think I am the favorite aunt to my 20+ nieces and nephews and I look forward to the arrival of each new child with such anticipation. I was especially thrilled when I learned that J & M were expecting their first child after years of trying.

So when I got a phone call at 12:12 am on September 13, I was thrilled. It had to be notification of the long-awaited arrival of this child. After all, why else would anyone call so late/early?

But when I heard my father's voice, I immediately knew something was wrong.

BMG, my youngest nephew to this point, was born early Monday morning. But his birth did not bring the joy that was anticipated. Instead it brought heartache and sorrow. He was stillborn, having died only hours before his delivery. He was a perfectly formed, beautiful little baby boy, who was so anticipated and so loved by so many, even before his birth.

J (my brother) and M (my sister-in-law) have gone through so much to have this little boy. They have waited patiently through many months, even years, of "trying" and ultimately through medical intervention. They had read books, strengthened their bodies, decorated and prepared the nursery. They had argued over names and diaper bags and all the little things that accompany the reception of a new child into this world. M had quit her job and endured PUPPS. She was so excited, and J could speak of nothing else.

So you can imagine, to a small degree, the absolute devastation wrought by this unexpected news of BMG's death. We all feel for J & M, wish there was something we could do or say, want to hold them in our embrace forever, because that is how long it seems the pain will last.

And so the family gathered. How could we not? We have come together so many countless times to celebrate new life, new unions, new opportunities. How could we not gather to commemorate new loss and new sorrow? How could we not stand with J & M, mourning with them, loving them, and praying for them?

The sorrow we feel is primarily for them, as none of us had the opportunity to meet or get to know BMG. And none of us can fathom the depths of their grief. We cannot make it better. We cannot take it away. And, in fact, we may make it worse - by thoughtless words, by the mere fact that there are so many little children and babies in the family. To ease their pain, we are helpless. All we can do is pray for them, love them, and never forget their first son, BMG.

As the family gathered, it was a very different situation than normal. While we still played games, went swimming, and got in heated discussions, J & M were always on our minds and prayers were constantly on our lips. Many tears were shed. And children were held more tightly to their parents' chests. Every parent imagined what it would be like if they were in J's and M's shoes. Every parent treasured the parenting moments more fully, recognizing how much J & M would give to have even the worst of them.

J & M were rocks. J worked so hard to ensure that everyone knew how grateful he was for even the little kindnesses shown to them in this difficult time. He remained optimistic about the future of his little family. And he created a memorial service that could open the doors for many to feel God's love for them.

M was truly amazing - from the moment BMG died, through the long labor and delivery that followed. And now, as her heart is broken, she is facing unbelievable grief with equally unbelievable grace and fortitude.

Both are inspirations to all who know them. And they are amazing parents to BMG.