It's All Relative...

I’ve been thinking about how relative things are. This week has been a little tough and one day in particular was a bit rough for me physically. I felt pretty under the weather and my boss even commented that I didn’t look good. But, I made it through the day and came home – rundown, tired, and ill-feeling. I had to stop to rest a couple of times, just to allow my blood pressure to stabilize after standing up too quickly. Nonetheless, I had made it home without passing out or even coming too close to it.

As I entered my apartment, my roommate asked me how my day was and I said, “It wasn’t my best day,” and went directly to bed. As I was lying on my bed, however, after having taken off my shoes and gently setting my bag down, I realized that I was wrong. A month ago, I actually would have considered this one of my best days - a day when I didn't crash land on the platform of the metro or at an awkward angle on my apartment floor or bed. This was a day when I had the strength and energy and wherewithal to take off my shoes and coat after arriving home, rather than sleeping in them.

Isn’t it amazing how things are so relative? And how quickly we take for granted the very circumstances that, in another time and place, filled us (or would have filled us) with immense joy and gratitude? How quickly we begin to whine and complain about something that, viewed from a different perspective, would be considered a grand blessing?

At first, my pondering led me to conclude that it's all relative. That everything is relative. But as I lay there longer, I realized that, in fact, everything is not relative. There are definitely some absolutes. It's how we perceive and contextualize absolutes, facts, and occurrences that introduces a sense of relativity.

So, moving forward, I hope I will be able to keep a broader perspective, recognize the blessings that come, and enjoy them in every and any context.

In the meantime, I am so grateful that my bad days now are not nearly as bad as my good days were a few weeks ago.

2.3

That is the number of a miracle. A miracle in my life. It is the number of miles I jogged today - very slowly. It may not seem like a lot. And it isn't. But two weeks ago, when I was barely able to make it all the way home from work and did not have the energy even to eat dinner after doing so, jogging 2.3 miles was just a far-away dream - an impossibility really.

Nonetheless, today, after a long six hours at work and an even longer three hours at the doctor's office, plus about two hours of total commuting, I was able to do it.

I think I'm starting to get my life back.

72 Degrees?!?!

72 degrees is arguably the most perfect temperature. In the summer, we set our air conditioning to 72 degrees. In the winter, we set our heat to 72 degrees. Spring and fall tend to be replete with 72 degree days. 72 degree days are days when you can sit under the weeping willow tree and read a book while water happily skips over the rocks in a nearby creek. On 72 degree days, you don't need a jacket or long sleeves. On 72 degree days, you can comfortably indulge in ice cream, go for a jog, and have a picnic. "72 degrees" conjures up an idyllic sun-filled image of bliss. One that is not often seen in the dead of winter.

Except for today.

What a beautiful 72 degree day!

My Life is a Fairy Tale

“Your life is a fairy tale.”

“Yeah, right,” I muttered. It doesn’t feel like things have been going that well for me lately. And Prince Charming is nowhere to be found.

“Think about it. Before Snow White was kissed, she was taken into the woods to be killed, was poisoned, and had to clean up after 7 little dwarves. Before Cinderella was turned into a princess, she lost her father, was forced to work for her stepmother and stepsisters and was constantly humiliated. And before Sleeping Beauty was awakened by her prince, she was taken from her parents, raised alone in the woods, and was pricked by a spindle.”

My friend was right. I’d never really thought about it that way before. I never realized that even with an optimistic “happy ending” American twist, these fairy tales are not just stories of princesses in crowns and jewels, complete with daring rescues by charming princes and happy endings; they are stories about the indomitable spirit of strong-willed women and the turmoil, struggle and strife that precedes a happy ending. They are real life. They are my life.

My life IS a fairy tale.

Complete with Prince Charming. And a happy ending.

I just haven’t gotten to it yet.

PS If you happen to run into Prince Charming, please send him my way. :)

Goodbye, 2011

Well, as my health has continued to decline, I signed up to visit the Mayo Clinic. I’ve always kind of held them out there as a last resort – a last hope. So it’s demoralizing to feel the need to head that direction so early in my journey. But that’s where I was.

So, I went through the process of being accepted as a patient and had been waiting for months to get there. I was nervous and excited and hopeful and scared all at once. When I arrived though, I was really impressed with their system. It is truly amazing and runs so incredibly smoothly. I wish all hospitals and drs offices ran this way.

After going through a week full of testing and consultation with numerous doctors, there still seem to be more questions than answers. Nonetheless, I am looking forward to putting 2011 behind me and living a healthy and happy 2012.

GPS

A friend of mine recently recounted a conversation she’d had with a friend of hers. They’d been trying to find their way somewhere and had been using a GPS. And they started talking about how when they make a wrong turn, the GPS doesn’t say “Why’d you turn left instead of right, you idiot?” or “Now you’ll never get there.” or “why don’t you ever listen to instructions?” The GPS doesn’t judge. It doesn’t mock. It simply states, in a calm and placid, nonjudgmental voice “Recalculating.”

My friend then went on to compare this to God and how He works in our lives. We’ve come to this earth and have been fitted with a GPS of sorts that is set to our final destination: God. Throughout our lives, we miss turns, inadvertently make wrong turns, and sometimes even willfully disregard instructions. But no matter what, that GPS is still set to God’s location. He hasn’t moved. He won’t move. He will still provide direction. And that will never change. Even if we willfully do exactly the opposite of what we are told to do to return to Him, it does not eliminate the possibility of returning. In other words, just as in mortal life, even if we go left instead of right at every possible juncture, that GPS will continue to recalculate the steps needed to get to our final destination. Which has not changed. I just found this to be such a beautiful and comforting analogy, giving more hope about my own life than I’ve felt in a while.

Another Hug from Heaven

I’m so grateful that fall has arrived. This morning, when I woke up, I looked out the window to see what the weather was like. It was sunny (yes, I slept in) and looked beautiful. But the beauty was intensified by the fact that there was a huge, full rainbow clearly visible (despite the fact that it didn’t really look like rain). I rushed right out and took pictures. I think of them as pictures of promise.

Another hug from heaven.