Things Never Turn Out Quite Like You Plan Them

It's kind of funny how things turn out. I was really getting ready for a big move from the East coast out to the West, given the lack of job prospects I found. After having submitted probably 400-600 applications, I was still jobless. Furthermore, I wasn't even getting interviews. I'd had my resume reviewed by several career centers and specialists, had incorporated various minor changes, always tailored each resume for the specific job I was applying for and still...nothing. This month, therefore, was a little discouraging. Despite spending at least eight hours a day, sometimes more, putting in applications and searching for a job, I kept hitting dead ends.

Fortunately, I've been staying with my brother and his family, which has been an awesome experience. Playing with my nephew and niece really broke up the monotony of my days and there's nothing like the joy of a child to ease any discouragement in your heart. I'm so incredibly blessed to have family relatively close by and even more blessed that they're willing to have me stay with them for a little while.

When I started staying here, I made a promise to myself that I would not stay too long. I really didn't want to become a burden and I realized that having a prolonged house guest, even if it's family (or maybe ESPECIALLY if it's family), can quickly deteriorate into the realm of the burdensome. So I made a deal with God: if I don't have any decent job prospects by the end of October, I will assume You don't want me to stay in the East anymore and I will begin a trek west. Most of my family's out West, so I figured I could do some pretty extensive (and hopefully not too burdensome) couch-hopping out there, if needed.

Despite this "deal," I had really not expected to head west. Until about 1.5 weeks ago. As the end of the month approached, it became clear that things weren't going to break and I needed to prepare myself. So I began making plans, determining how to rid myself of all the rest of my belongings (whatever won't fit in my car), etc. etc.

And then, suddenly, everything changed. Within two days, I was called in for four interviews.

What?!?

So, all my travel plans were nixed and I am staying in the East to pursue these job prospects. Hopefully something will pan out. But if not, at least I get a little break from the monotony of October's job search.

You provide the Inputs, I'll take care of the Outcomes

A lot has changed in the last few weeks. My life, it seems, is in perpetual upheaval and no matter how hard I try to establish some sort of routine, things still seem to be constantly changing. Given my intense affinity for routine, this has been pretty rough on me.

At the end of September, I moved out of my apartment, which I loved. I called it my one luxury in life. My lease expired on September 30 and, since I'm still unemployed, I didn't feel like I could risk signing a new lease. My plan was to get a job before the move, but my life has certainly not been going according to plan lately.

So I got rid of most of my worldly possessions, put the rest in storage, and went to crash with my brother BJ and his wife LB. Fortunately, we get along well and it gives me an awesome opportunity to play with my little nephew CBG, who is really into trains, and my 5 month old niece MBG.

Anyway, just after I moved out of my apartment (the day after, in fact), I took the foreign service oral assessment. I hadn't prepared as much as I would have liked, but, frankly, I had forgotten I was scheduled to take it so soon until just three weeks before. And it had pretty much gotten lost in the shuffle of the move and the funeral and everything. I even debated about taking it at all, given my lack of preparation. But ultimately I decided that since it was the only door that was even slightly open, I should pursue it.

Not surprisingly, I didn't pass. But I learned a lot and hope that next time I'll be successful.

So the search for employment continues.

I'm putting in 4-6 applications a day, working networks as much as I can, and praying for a miracle.

But I have to admit it gets pretty demoralizing. My job was the one area in my life where I felt success and fulfillment. I felt like I was really making a difference. And that's important to me.

So I've been praying a lot, seeking guidance and comfort from my Heavenly Father, who knows the whole plan and is holding me in His hands. As I was praying last week, I received a very strong impression, "You provide the inputs, I'll take care of the outcomes." I love that God sometimes speaks to me in soundbytes. It shows how well He knows me. At that moment, I realized that I really don't have any control over outcomes right now. I can't force someone to hire me. I can't make things work out the way I want them to. I just have to keep putting in the inputs - keeping myself as strong spiritually as I can by studying God's word, praying, and living the teachings of Christ; putting in applications and resumes; talking to people about my expertise; maintaining a positive attitude; and continuing to move forward.

While it's frustrating not to understand the form that "continuing to move forward" will take, it's comforting to know what God expects from me at the moment. And to some extent, what I should expect from God. The outcomes are in His hands.